No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
