I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
