do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize