dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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