I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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