did you get engaged???
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Randomize
