I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
