How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
