Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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