he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
