They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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