take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
