now i know why i became what i already was.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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