and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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