I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
