you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize