did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Couch. On fire.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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