i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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