Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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