so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize