paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
