so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
