someone get that fucking seahorse.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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