I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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