This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
