4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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