she looked like the before picture.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
