Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Randomize
