We won't sleep together?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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