So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Randomize
