All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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