Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
