best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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