I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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