idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
