how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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