WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
