Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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