He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
