Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She's the barista slut.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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