My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize