I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
