there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
