I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
