you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
