Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
