on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
