she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
