Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
