I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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