nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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