It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
