Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
