i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize