Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
