my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize