apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
