we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
