Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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