His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
