i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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