somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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