4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
