I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Acid is not a monday night drug
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
