dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
