We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Randomize
