Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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