you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have fence marks all over my body
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize