all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
