If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Someone signed my nipple.
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