so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
