Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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