well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
