That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
zippers are such a cool invention
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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